Popstar Taylor Swift is coming to Arizona in March. She’ll be playing at the home of the Arizona Cardinals, with over 60,000 in attendance. As I write this, the cheapest tickets (before fees) I can find are just under $400. You’ll need to bring binoculars to make out the tiny form of Swift on stage and your Kleenex to dab the blood from your nose. To sit near the front row, it will set you back $5,775 a ticket. I couldn’t find meet and greet or backstage tour tickets, although I know they are offered. I can’t imagine what these tickets cost. $8,000? $10,000?
What's Keeping You Away from Church?
Not long ago, Pew Research released a survey[i] on why Americans do and do not go to church. While 73% of Americans identify as being Christian[ii], surveys say Americans who report going to church weekly is only around 35%.[iii] Our best estimates for our own city (Tucson) are that less than 3% of the population gathers in a local body of believers on any given Sunday.[iv]
I write this as an appeal to the 65% nationally and 90%+[v] in Tucson who don’t attend church regularly.
First, I want to understand you and your reasons for not attending. In a recent survey, those reasons were expressed this way[vi]:
Does that list express your reasons for why you don’t attend church? I would love to hear from you what your reason is.
I am going to walk through the reasons given for not attending and ask if you would reconsider:
“I practice my faith in other ways.”
The largest group of those who don’t attend (37%) say that they practice their faith in other ways. That is wonderful! I’m so glad that you practice your faith beyond Sunday morning. Our faith is to be expressed daily and through various means (prayer, reading the Bible, service, stewardship, etc.).
This Week's Recommendations
The Thing About ‘Light and Momentary’: I found Tim Challies’s reflections on suffering to be very helpful. He begins, “They are words that can be tremendously encouraging or tremendously discouraging. Said at the wrong time or in the wrong spirit they can compound hurt, but said at the right time and in the right spirit they can be a cool drink on a hot day, a soothing balm on a sore wound.”
The Church’s Role in Making Abortion Unthinkable and Unnecessary: Jen Oshman shares, “Studies show that for women who have an abortion, their suicidality increases by 155 percent. Studies also show that about 80 percent of women would not have chosen abortion if they had felt more supported. So my call to the church, then, is How can we seek life? How can we come alongside vulnerable women, vulnerable children, vulnerable families, and how can we be people who help them seek life? How can we be a culture that makes abortion not only unthinkable, but unnecessary—just something that’s not even on the agenda because we are a church and a people in a community that comes around the vulnerable population?”
Killing Goliath: My friend and fellow pastor at New Life, Dustin DeJong, helps adjust the way we read a familiar story. “We assume we’re David but we aren’t. You aren’t David and Goliath isn’t some problem to be solved.”
My Reconstructed Faith: Philip Ryan says, “Over the past two years, we have all seen and listened to many stories of deconstruction from authors, musicians, and even YouTube personalities. Sadly, these stories are celebrated even by some Christians — the same Christians who then mock those who raised alarm over deconstruction. What I don’t often hear are stories of those who have reconstructed their faith.”
A Nobody in One Country, Famous in the Next: Darryl Dash with a real story that relates profoundly to us: “Sixto Rodriguez was a nobody. He’d tried to establish a career as a musician, but it went nowhere. He showed lots of promise and had sold a handful of records, but his record label dropped him and then closed. He was working on a third album at the time, but it was never released.”
The Bible's Strange Instructions for Opening the Giving Lock
I worked for a few years in development and was trained in best practices for raising money. I was blessed to work for a Christian organization that was committed to raising money in a godly way, but the broader development industry doesn’t have many scruples in doing what they do best: separating people from their money. And they are clever! How does a development professional unlock the giving vault?
Secular Generosity
The secular handbook on getting people to give reveals a lot. There are three universal rules in development:[i]
1) Appeal to donors’ emotions, not their minds: tell a story that will move them;
2) Inflate a donor’s sense of importance and appeal to their interests;
3) Create urgency: donors need to feel as though the need is immediate and significant.
Christian Generosity
The Christian generosity handbook is very different. Having delivered his four strange reasons for giving. Paul is now going to five equally strange instructions for giving in his letter to the Corinthian church. Paul’s instructions contradict the development professional’s handbook at almost every turn. Paul tells us we should give this way:
6 Ways a Pastor Should Respond to a Departing Congregant
I sat across the room from the couple, trying to slow down my mind and open my heart to the criticism they were leveling at me. They had been offended by my sermon and had reacted on Facebook, indicating they were leaving the church. I reached out privately and asked if we could meet to talk. They agreed to do so. When we met, he was relatively calm, but she was very upset and I knew that I needed to hold my own emotions in check to be able to listen to the heart of what she was saying and respond in love, not hurt. As I had prayed to prepare for the meeting I genuinely didn’t think I was going to be able to ask for forgiveness for anything as I didn’t think I had done anything wrong. But in the midst of the meeting God opened my heart to see an area of blindness. I was able to ask and receive their forgiveness for the way this blind spot had injured them. I then asked if they would be willing to ask for forgiveness for their slander. They were willing to do so and I forgave them.
These are not the meetings that you anticipate when you sign up to be a pastor, but there are few moments more important in your ministry than these tense conversations.
Over the course of this series, I’ve reflected on a congregant’s responsibility, but pastors and leaders bear a responsibility to help congregants navigate departures well.
One friend wisely said, “I think the pastor needs to do his part in hearing the discord, attempt to reconcile, and when reconciliation is not the solution for continued membership, to ensure a good relocation.” She’s right. Here are six ways a leader should respond to those who are leaving:
How to Make a New Church Become Family
Many American Christians are disappointed with their experience at church. Many feel shiftless: lacking deep friendships, disconnected from leadership, and without a direction as disciples.
When I graduated from Gordon with my BA and came back across the country to marry my bride, I busted through the doors of our new church like a bull in a china shop. I wanted to dive into ministry as quickly as I could and sit under a mentor as soon as possible. I was a man on a mission, eager to put my biblical-theological studies degree to use as soon as possible. I reached out to the pastoral staff and tried to jump in as quickly as I could into ministry roles and sought out mentoring from the pastoral staff. There were lots of good things about our experience at that church, but when we left two and a half years later for seminary, I was largely disappointed with the ministry opportunities that had been available to me and the lack of depth of my relationship with the pastoral staff.
Many church members are at a church for years without feeling a significant level of connection and belonging.
Without a doubt, there are ways in which churches need to improve in helping newcomers feel at home quickly and well. That is a post for another day. Today, I want to offer my 21-year-old self some advice about how to make a new church his family.
God intends the local church to be home. One of Paul’s phrases for the church is “the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10) or “the household of God” (Ephesians 2:19).[i] The church ought to be our home: a place where we are intimately connected with our first family.
4 Questions to Ask When You Shop for a Church
After Angel and I were married, we moved to Phoenix, a town new to both of us. We began a several-month-long journey of finding a church that would be repeated again in two-and-a-half years when we moved to New Jersey. I have vivid memories of both church shopping experiences: of the sweet little Anglican church in Phoenix where we were the youngest in attendance by at least four decades and mobbed afterward by kindly congregants who begged us to stay for coffee and cookies; of the 1,000 square foot church on the Jersey shore where our friends and we doubled the size of the congregation and the accompaniment was played by means of a 1980s style boom box which the pastor turned around to push the button at the beginning and end of every song.
It wasn’t long ago that the idea of having more than one church in your lifetime would have been completely foreign. Virtually the entire world died where they were born and rarely left their hometown.[i] In contrast, the average US citizen today is expected to move 11.4 times in his or her lifetime.[ii] Even if you never leave a church for another reason, you will most likely look for a church roughly a dozen times in your life.
Shopping Well
No one likes to church shop.[iii] I certainly hope you don’t enjoy church shopping. Church shopping is a dangerous activity. By its very nature, it places the shopper in the position of being an observer and a critic and not a participant and member. The faster you can shift from critic to member, the healthier it will be for you spiritually and the healthier it will be for the body of Christ.
And yet, sometimes it is necessary. When you look for a church, here are four questions you should ask.
6 Things You Should Do Before You Leave Your Church
So, you’ve decided to leave your church: you’re moving, or you’ve come to a doctrinal impasse, or there has been conflict that you’ve tried to navigate, but the church has been unwilling to biblically walk through a peacemaking process to bring about reconciliation.
As a pastor, every person who leaves the church hurts. As a pastor of ten years, there have been hundreds that have left the churches I’ve served at and I can only think of a very small handful that I was glad to see go. Every goodbye is painful.
But, as we discussed last week, there are times to say goodbye (although a lot fewer than we are encultured to believe). When you say goodbye, say goodbye well. Sadly, in today’s culture, most of us say goodbye very poorly (usually by not saying goodbye at all, just slipping away). We’re called to say goodbye in a harder, but better, way.
10 Reasons Why You Might Leave Your Church
It’s that time of year, when transitions happen: seasons close and new seasons begin. Maybe you’re a student who just headed off to college. Maybe you got a new job. Maybe your employer transitioned you. Those are some of the many natural reasons that you might have just left or might be leaving your church in the coming weeks.
Maybe you’ve left or are planning on leaving your church for entirely different reasons, though. Maybe your pastor is in a rut. Maybe the worship grates on you. Maybe you feel like you just don’t know anyone there any longer. Maybe you were injured by someone at the church and you tense up at the awkwardness of returning. Maybe you feel like you’re not getting spiritually fed there any longer. Maybe you are frustrated with how your church has handled Covid-19.
In this four-part series we will explore appropriate reasons for leaving a church, how to leave a church, how to choose a church, and how to join a church.
Let’s explore some of the most common reasons[i] people leave the church and reflect whether they are appropriate or not.
1) I feel disconnected
“The church doesn’t feel like home any longer. My friends have left and I feel like I’m at someone else’s church when I arrive.”
It’s not appropriate to leave: losing friends is hard, but we shouldn’t leave a church because our friends have left. Part of the joy of the church is that God brings together strangers into community. Do the hard work of starting a new small group or serving in a new ministry and God will surely bring about new relationships.
Welcome to McChurch
The days of being buried in the church where you were baptized and married are long gone for most. Ours is the age of the McChurch.
There are realities embedded in that truth that are good and bad alike. Every cultural location has its own blessings and challenges.
Believe it or not, I don’t think that the problems attendant with our consumerism are wholly bad. Imagine, for instance, how difficult it would to have your congregation embrace the truth that each member is part of a “royal priesthood” (1 Pet 2:9) in France circa 1200 AD. Why would that be so difficult? Because in that culture serfdom would have permeated the identity of the congregation. In a congregation of serfs, it may be easy for them to understand their identity as servants of Christ, but far more challenging for them to internalize the truth that they are priests.
Let’s consider then how our cultural identity as consumers impacts the way we engage with the local church. How does our McDonald’s world shape us?
Here are five statements that shape us as consumers:
1) “I’m broken, therefore I shop.” We look for churches that latch onto our deficits, insecurities, and offer fulfillment to those desires. The pulpit has always been a place where the timeless truth intersects with the cultural questions of the day, but that reality has been heightened in a consumer-driven world. The blessing of this is that the Word of God does offer healing for our brokenness. The problem is that we can be drawn not to the whole counsel of God, but only those portions that we believe help us at any given moment.