pastoring

Why I Need Your Help to Be the Pastor I'm Supposed to Be

Why I Need Your Help to Be the Pastor I'm Supposed to Be

Moses was crushing it. The people loved him. He had lines out the doors for those who were hoping to hear a word from God or a word of wisdom from Moses.[i] Then his father-in-law, Jethro, showed up and told him he was leading poorly, not well.

Moses had every reason to not listen to Jethro’s advice. There were no real indicators Moses’s leadership style wasn’t working. And yet Moses heard Jethro’s advice and humbly heeded it.

In his letter to the church at Ephesus, Paul makes it clear that this is no mere stylistic choice for a godly leader. Healthy leadership is characterized by “equip[ing] the saints for the work of the ministry.”[ii] Did you catch that? Healthy leadership isn’t characterized by doing “the work of the ministry” but rather by equipping the congregation to do the work of the ministry.

That doesn’t exempt pastors from doing ministry. In fact, part of the way that we equip is by modeling ministry. But it does mean that our primary responsibility is equipping others to do ministry. It means that part of every pastor’s role should be mentoring and discipling, equipping and deploying. That means that in Dustin’s role in charge of connections at New Life, his primary role is to equip others to connect in our congregation, not be the one-stop connection shop for our church.

When we are equipping, our congregations are healthier, more unified places. Paul says in Ephesians that the outcome of leaders equipping the saints is twofold: unity of heart and spiritual growth and maturity. Who doesn’t want their congregation to grow in unity and maturity?

And yet, almost every impulse of the pastor and of the congregant fights against this biblical model.

6 Ways a Pastor Should Respond to a Departing Congregant

6 Ways a Pastor Should Respond to a Departing Congregant

I sat across the room from the couple, trying to slow down my mind and open my heart to the criticism they were leveling at me. They had been offended by my sermon and had reacted on Facebook, indicating they were leaving the church. I reached out privately and asked if we could meet to talk. They agreed to do so. When we met, he was relatively calm, but she was very upset and I knew that I needed to hold my own emotions in check to be able to listen to the heart of what she was saying and respond in love, not hurt. As I had prayed to prepare for the meeting I genuinely didn’t think I was going to be able to ask for forgiveness for anything as I didn’t think I had done anything wrong. But in the midst of the meeting God opened my heart to see an area of blindness. I was able to ask and receive their forgiveness for the way this blind spot had injured them. I then asked if they would be willing to ask for forgiveness for their slander. They were willing to do so and I forgave them.

These are not the meetings that you anticipate when you sign up to be a pastor, but there are few moments more important in your ministry than these tense conversations.

Over the course of this series, I’ve reflected on a congregant’s responsibility, but pastors and leaders bear a responsibility to help congregants navigate departures well.

One friend wisely said, “I think the pastor needs to do his part in hearing the discord, attempt to reconcile, and when reconciliation is not the solution for continued membership, to ensure a good relocation.” She’s right. Here are six ways a leader should respond to those who are leaving:

In Honor of Pastor Matt

In Honor of Pastor Matt

Last month Pastor Matt Ristuccia retired after 35 years of pastoral ministry in Princeton, New Jersey. I met Matt seventeen years ago on a Sunday morning in August. Matt stepped up behind a modest wooden pulpit in a navy blazer and baby blue tie and then came to life. From the elbow of that odd L-shaped sanctuary, he pivoted to the left and right, holding the physically split congregation of Westerly Road Church (called Stone Hill Church today) together by sheer force of will. Animated and winsome, he had my attention.

I was a new seminary student at Princeton Theological Seminary, and my young bride and I were trying to find our way in this strange new land of ivy. Ahead of me was a journey of theological and character formation. I was an evangelical at a mainline seminary, unsure whether I would land in academia or pastoral ministry and where I would find a church that would fit.

Angel and I approached Matt after the service and introduced ourselves. He was just as lively in person as he was behind the pulpit. Over the following ten years, I would become an attendee at Westerly Road Church, then a member, an intern, ordained, and finally a pastor. Matt would dedicate both of our children and would become one of the most influential mentors in my life.

Looking back on those formative years under Matt’s pastoral leadership, these are the top seven lessons I learned from Matt:

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations

1. Are We Seeing the First Non-Christian Generation? Aaron Earls shares recent findings, "In America, at least two-thirds of Generation X (67%), Baby Boomers (76%), and the Silent Generation (84%) say they’re Christian, according to new analysis from Pew Research. Among millennials, however, slightly less than half (49%) identify as Christian. A similar number say they’re not Christian."

2. Christians, Please Stop Labeling One Another: Shai Linne urges Christians, “These days, the labels are flying around like crazy, often used pejoratively and almost always unhelpful. ‘SJW [Social Justice Warrior], ‘Woke,’ ‘Marcist,’ etc. or from the other standpoint, ‘Karen,’ ‘White Evangelical,’ ‘Trumpers,’ etc.”

3. The Three Hardest People to Disciple—and How to Reach Them: Ken Braddy gives some excellent advice on how to disciple the “know-it-all,” the “time-compressed,” and the “spiritually myopic.” Super helpful stuff here! He concludes this way, “The one thing I’ll always want to remind myself is this: I am most likely someone’s difficult person, so I must be quick to extend grace for I need it as well.”

4. A Compassionate, Counter-Cultural Christian Response to Racial Division: Kevin Huang with a nuanced and well thought out response to the current racial turmoil. He concludes, “The Gospel addresses sin. Sin is at the heart of all of society’s problems. Therefore, addressing sin with the Gospel is not a superficial answer. Rather, addressing society’s problems without the Gospel is a superficial answer. May we not be ashamed of the Gospel as God’s all-sufficient tool of salvation for all ethnicities, both Jew and Greek.”

5. Redeeming Pastoral Ambition: My friend Benjamin Vrbicek reflects on the current fires in Arizona and the dangerous fires of ambition in pastors’ hearts. He shares, “Notice the exact phrasing: “servant of all,” not just servant of the greats, like servant of a famous pastor or a seminary president. His point is that the greatness of our service is enhanced not diminished by the lack of greatness of those we serve.”

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations

1.      Secrets of the World's Greatest Art Thief: This is an interesting true story where almost every detail looks nothing like the movie version would, and maybe that is why he pulled it off for so long.

2.      3 Things That May Be True If People Are Constantly Complaining to You: Eric Geiger with an important post that we all should consider. " If people are always complaining to you, you should evaluate why. It may not be because you are trusted, but it may be because you are divisive."

3.      Why is it So Hard to Pray: Burk Parsons considers this important question at Tabletalk: " It’s hard to pray because humbling ourselves, getting over ourselves, and coming to the end of our stubborn and sinful selves is hard."

4.      Pastoral Ministry is an Ensemble, Not a Solo: Jay Sanders is so right: " Pastoral ministry is not the stage upon which we showcase our talents for a watching audience. When done right, pastoral ministry is an ensemble. Yes, we’ve been called upon to take the lead but we were never meant to perform by ourselves."

5.      Nothing Has Snuck Past God: In this brief clip, Trip Lee offers a powerful analogy for God and his sovereignty.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations

1.       13 Things a Pastor Should Never Tell a Congregation: I've heard at least half of these. And Amen the critique of each one. The first three on Joe McKeever's list: "1. 'I’m thinking of quitting. I haven’t decided. Pray for me.'; 2. 'I’m no theologian.'; 3. 'God told me to tell you … '"

2.       How to Re-Shape Your Conscience: Michael Taylor with sage advice for a reality we all face, " For most of us, the normalization and celebration of sin has become so pervasive in the entertainment we grew up enjoying that it can be difficult for us to discern whether or not God is pleased with our lifestyle. There is often a cognitive dissonance between what we believe about God and his law and how we live. So, how are Christians meant to navigate this complicated issue?"

3.       What is Reformed Theology?: Benjamin Vrbicek answers this question by focusing both on the historic and theological components: "When we seek God through Scripture and church dogma, we can be made right with God only through Christ, his mother, priests, and saints, by trusting in God’s grace and the sacraments, as long as we do enough good works alongside our faith.”

4.       A Visual Representation of Just How Split Our Politics Have Become: There truly is no middle ground any longer. And both parties have reduced their platforms to a particular set of issues. " The data viz designer Mike Cisneros has mapped out the political positions of every member of Congress ever, starting with the first Congress in 1789 up until the 115th Congress that’s currently filling the news cycle with so much anguish. The central visualization is a giant scatterplot, where positions are mapped based on how conservative or liberal each Congress member is economically and socially."

5.       Carnival Scam Science: This really fun video tells you the science behind what you already know: carnival games are rigged against you.

Celebrating One Year

Celebrating One Year

Today we celebrate our first year at The Bee Hive. 55 weekly posts, 52 recommendation posts, and 14 book reviews are in the books. I offer two thank you’s and two reflections:

1)      Thank you, dear reader. When I was a freshman in college and really caught the writing bug, I brought home my favorite papers and had my parents read them. Twenty years later, I recognize what a gift it is to have had parents who offered the gift of their time and focus to care about something I cared about. There were undoubtedly more than a few of the 121 posts over this past year that weren’t as compelling for you, kind reader, as they were in my head. Thank you for persisting with me. Thank you for your time. Thank you especially for those who subscribed, for those who shared, and for those who commented. You don’t know what a blessing that is to me.

2)      Thank you, beloved editors. Behind the scenes are four faithful editors

Why I Need You to Help Me Do What I’m Supposed to Do as a Pastor

Why I Need You to Help Me Do What I’m Supposed to Do as a Pastor

Moses was crushing it. The people loved him. He had lines out the doors for those who were hoping to hear a word from God or a word of wisdom from Moses.[i] Then his father-in-law, Jethro, showed up and told him he was leading poorly, not well.

Moses had every reason to not listen to Jethro’s advice. There were no real indicators Moses’s leadership style wasn’t working. And yet Moses heard Jethro’s advice, and humbly heeded it.

In Ephesians, Paul makes it clear that this is no mere stylistic choice for a godly leader. Healthy leadership is characterized by “equip[ing] the saints for the work of the ministry.”[ii] Did you catch that, healthy leadership isn’t characterized by doing “the work of the ministry” but rather by equipping the congregation to do the work of the ministry.

6 Ways a Leader Needs to Respond to a Departing Congregant

6 Ways a Leader Needs to Respond to a Departing Congregant

I sat across the room from the couple, trying to slow down my mind and open my heart to the criticism they were leveling at me. They had been offended by my sermon and had reacted on Facebook, indicating they were leaving the church. I reached out privately and asked if we could meet to talk. They agreed to do so. When we met, he was relatively calm, but she was very upset and I knew that I needed to hold my own emotions in check to be able to listen to the heart of what she was saying and respond in love, not hurt. As I had prayed to prepare for the meeting I genuinely didn’t think I was going to be able to ask for forgiveness for anything as I didn’t think I had done anything wrong. But in the midst of the meeting God opened my heart to see an area of blindness. I was able to ask and receive their forgiveness for the way this blind spot had injured them. I then asked if they would be willing to ask for forgiveness for their slander. They were willing to do so and I forgave them.

These are not the meetings that you think about when you sign up to be a pastor or leader, but there are few moments more important in your ministry than these tense conversations.

Two friends have responded to my series on leaving and finding a church with questions about a pastor’s responsibility in the midst of church departures. It’s a fair and helpful question. Over the course of this series I’ve reflected on a congregant’s responsibility, but pastors and leaders bear a responsibility to help congregants navigate departures well.