Many American Christians are disappointed with their experience at church. Many feel shiftless: lacking deep friendships, disconnected from leadership, and without a direction as disciples.

When I graduated from Gordon with my BA and came back across the country to marry my bride, I busted through the doors of our new church like a bull in a china shop. I wanted to dive into ministry as quickly as I could and sit under a mentor as soon as possible. I was a man on a mission, eager to put my biblical-theological studies degree to use as soon as possible. I reached out to the pastoral staff and tried to jump in as quickly as I could into ministry roles and sought out mentoring from the pastoral staff. There were lots of good things about our experience at that church, but when we left two and a half years later for seminary, I was largely disappointed with the ministry opportunities that had been available to me and the lack of depth of my relationship with the pastoral staff.

Many church members are at a church for years without feeling a significant level of connection and belonging.

Without a doubt, there are ways in which churches need to improve in helping newcomers feel at home quickly and well. That is a post for another day. Today, I want to offer my 21-year-old self some advice about how to make a new church his family.

God intends the local church to be home. One of Paul’s phrases for the church is “the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10) or “the household of God” (Ephesians 2:19).[i] The church ought to be our home: a place where we are intimately connected with our first family.