counseling

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. The top ten fears in AmericaChapman University finds, “The top 10 fears in the 2023 survey suggest that Americans’ fears center on five main topics: corruption in government (number 1), economic concerns (numbers 2 & 10), war and terror (numbers 3, 4, 8, & 9), the harming or death of loved ones (numbers 4 & 5), and pollution of drinking water (number 7).”

  2. As the outer is peeled awayTim Challies reflects, “In the past few years, I have watched a number of dear friends grapple with terrible and ultimately terminal illnesses. I have watched people I only ever knew to be whole and strong fade until they were broken and weak.

The Best of the Bee Hive in 2023

The Best of the Bee Hive in 2023

Writing is part of the ministry God has entrusted me with. I blog first to pastor my dear congregation New Life Bible Fellowship through the ministry of words. My hope is that the three additional touchpoints during the week allow those God has entrusted to me as an under-shepherd to grow in their love for God, their wisdom, and to foster unity. I’m grateful for the many who read who aren’t part of New Life. I pray that my writing encourages and strengthens you in your walk and in your heart for your local church.

Would You Forgive Me for My Narcissism?

Would You Forgive Me for My Narcissism?

In the ancient myth, the hunter Narcissus was acclaimed for his beauty. Many sought Narcissus romantically, but he spurned them all. One day on a hunt, Narcissus paused to rest by a pool of water, stooping for a drink, he caught sight of his own reflection. He fell in love with his reflection and stayed by the pool staring at himself for the rest of his life.

 

The American Psychiatric Association defines narcissistic personality disorder as, “a pattern of need for admiration and lack of empathy for others. A person with narcissistic personality disorder may have a grandiose sense of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, take advantage of others or lack empathy.” Do you have some narcissism in you? I do.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Lifetimes in landscapes: Brianna Lambert with a wonderfully evocative piece of writing, “He grew up in the foothills of the forest. Where the horizon disappeared behind the blue ridges. He’d spend his days with his eyes lifted towards the clouds that kissed the forehead of the mountaintops.”

  2. How to get the most out of your counseling sessionsJason Hsieh says, “Just as you would take a doctor’s medical prescriptions seriously. You can do this by regularly reviewing those particular biblical perspectives and following through on any new habits to form that you discuss.”

Could God Do __?

Could God Do __?

“I don’t even know why we’re here. Nothing is going to change.” I’ve heard those words many times in counseling sessions. And I’ve felt those words from the empty eyes, the rigid shoulders, and the dropped heads of those I have counseled.

Who is it that you don’t believe can change? Your boss? Your employee? Your friend? Your son or daughter? Your spouse? Yourself?

Who have you given up on?

Be honest. You’ve probably given up on someone somewhere. You know what the theological term is for not having hope for someone? For giving up on them? Damning. That’s right. When you lose hope in someone you’re damning him.  

That Isn’t a Toy!

That Isn’t a Toy!

“That isn’t a toy!” parents warn a child playing with a knife or a hammer.

Pharaoh thought he could play a game with God and win. He lost.

Your heart is not a toy.

The story of God’s battle with Pharaoh in the book of Exodus is the story of the consequences of a hardened heart. It’s the story of someone who thought they could toy with God and with their heart. We cannot.

How Hard is Your Heart?

How Hard is Your Heart?

You can tell a good piece of fruit or vegetable by its color and by its feel. The avocado might be the trickiest one I know. A novice might think that a bright green, hard avocado is the best, but counter-intuitively, the best avocados are dark, with shades of brown, giving easily to the touch. The heart of a growing Christian also gives easily to the touch.

No one comes to see a counselor or pastor to talk about their problems not wanting success, but the state of our hearts so often resists the very thing we want. A soft heart can turn my mediocre counsel into pearls of wisdom. A hard heart will turn the wisest counsel ever offered into sawdust.

Why Would I Go to Counseling?

Why Would I Go to Counseling?

I’ve missed more annual well-checks to the doctor than I’ve made. It seems like a waste of time to tell the doctor that I’m not experiencing any physical difficulties, have him check my blood pressure only to confirm it is within the healthy range, and then pay on my way out the door for what I already knew.

Most of us feel the same way about counseling. Why would I go to a counselor unless things are falling apart?

There is a grain of truth in this impulse. Under normal circumstances, we should have layers of relationships that support us. Ideally, we have a strong network of godly Christian friends with whom we are transparent and who tell us hard truths. Ideally, we have mentors and pastors in our lives who we can seek out and who will speak encouragement and exhortation to us. Unfortunately, few of us have both godly friends and mentors.

Even those who do would still be blessed to have a good counselor in their lives.

How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts: Four Questions to Ask

How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts: Four Questions to Ask

You’ve had it happen to you, haven’t you? That thought that jumps into your head, seemingly out of nowhere?

You’re driving along a winding mountain highway and you imagine what would happen if you yanked the steering wheel to the right: what would the crash look like? How would you tumble down the mountain?

Sometimes thoughts are born out of our curiosity. Other times intrusive thoughts enter that are born out of our hearts. We stew on our mistreatment from a colleague or friend and we imagine how we could put them in their place. We imagine harassing them, embarrassing them, even humiliating them.

Part of being a fallen human being is to have intrusive thoughts. An intrusive thought is a thought that enters our mind un-summoned. They might be morbid (imagining our death), violent (imagining injuring someone else), or sexual (imagining a sexual experience). Different people experience intrusive thoughts with different regularity. Different seasons of our lives can increase intrusive thoughts.

How do we deal with these thoughts? Let’s navigate four questions to ask ourselves when we experience intrusive thoughts. Next week we will consider some biblical wisdom on navigating these thoughts.

Could God ____?

Could God ____?

“I don’t even know why we’re here. Nothing is going to change.” I’ve heard those words many times in counseling sessions. And I’ve felt those words from the posture, from the hollow eyes, and from the sighs of those I have counseled.

Who is it that you don’t believe can change? Your boss? Your employee? Your friend? Your son or daughter? Your spouse? Yourself?

Who have you given up on?

Be honest. You’ve probably given up on someone somewhere. You know what the theological term is for not having hope for someone? For giving up on them? Damning. That’s right. When you lose hope in someone or something, you’re damning it.

The latter half of Romans 1 speaks of the hopeless situation of those who have turned against God. In chilling language, Paul explains that “the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men…”[i] He explains that those in rebellion “are without excuse,”[ii] and then he goes on three times in the next five verses to explain how God damns them: “Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts…”[iii] and that “For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions,”[iv] and finally “God gave them up to a debased mind…”[v]

On those four words—“God gave them up”–hang the icy chill of damnation.