“I am what I feel” sums up expressive individualism. Our culture frames identity around discovering what our deepest desires and longings are. To know our longings is to know ourselves.
In Billie Eilish’s 2023 song “What was I made for?” written for “Barbie,” Eilish reflects on the confusing journey to understand her feelings. It’s this journey, she assures herself that will lead to her happiness.
“The end is near!” “Repent!”
Have you ever seen a statement of prophetic warning spray-painted on a wall or in a subway station? got to be honest, I don’t take much notice to such warnings. But what if those warnings were for me and for you?
We are feeling all the feels. Our youngest, Soren, is about to graduate from high school. This has been a season of reflection for Angel and me and a season of preparation. In our children’s ministry hallways at New Life next to each age level we have containers that represent how many days of influence remain for you as a parent before your child launches. I recognize, of course, that there is no finish line for parenting, but one’s influence and role changes significantly in each season.
As we look back on our parenting, the most important things we taught our children were who God is and who they were.
Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome and hard to control. I can remember having intrusive thoughts from the time I was a child. When we drove, I often felt the compulsion to press one foot down on the floor between the telephone poles (and yes, I also hopped over the cracks in the sidewalk). At other times, when walking alone, I remember the persistent thought, “He’s watching you.” I would search the bushes and trees for the one my mind told me was watching me.
The aged prophet Isaiah showed up at the bedside of the middle-aged king. Hezekiah was only about 39 years old and terminally ill. But the prophet was not bringing good news, “Set your house in order, for you shall die, you shall not recover” (Is. 38:1).
The weak king cried out to God, “’ Please, O LORD, remember how I have walked before you in faithfulness and with a whole heart, and have done what is good in your sight’. And Hezekiah wept bitterly.” (Is. 38:3).
We’ve all had moments in our lives where it seemed like all hope was lost. I remember sitting at my desk in high school, staring at an AP Chemistry test that might as well have been written in Latin. I felt so doomed. My mind spun. I was going to fail this test. I was going to fail the class. Would I have to take summer school? Would I be able to get into my dream college? I had catastrophized this one test into determining the trajectory of my future years.
Not long ago, Southern Baptist Convention President Paige Patterson was ousted from his post at Southwestern Seminary.[i] The firing began not with a dramatic revelation, but with a public statement Patterson made some 18 years ago. In that statement, Patterson said that he had never counseled couples to separate or divorce.[ii] The trickle turned into a stream and then a torrent as other statements and counsel surfaced (including discouraging a female student from reporting a sexual assault on his campus). The external pressure from the mounting claims made Patterson’s firing all but inevitable.
I believe the outcome was just. Paige Patterson’s record is marked with ongoing abuses of power. And yet, there was a time not so long ago when he wouldn’t have lost his job. It is only in today’s world that the voices of those injured by Patterson or upset with the trustees at Southwestern Seminary would have been heard so quickly and had such an impact.[iii]There are benefits to the age of the fishbowl.
But there are dangers of fishbowl living as well. We live in a day and age where every statement is public and permanent.
Every word is public.
Every word is permanent.
“The biggest problem in our marriage is our communication.” It’s perhaps the most frequent issue that is brought to the table when Angel (my wife and counselor) and I meet with couples. At the core of many marriage seminars and conferences is the issue of how to improve the communication in your marriage.
I don’t buy it. Your marriage doesn’t need better communication.
Alright, alright. I’m overstating that for dramatic effect. There are some helpful things you can do to improve communication in your marriage. But the fact remains: I’ve yet to encounter a marriage that the fundamental issue is communication. More serious issues always lurk beneath the surface.
The reason that communication is often fore-fronted is that it is a neutral issue. Being a poor communicator isn’t a sin. We think if we can just learn new techniques, we will experience renewal in our marriage.
Communication isn’t your issue. Sin is your issue. Or, to put it in James’s language, your desires are your issue.
1. What’s God’s Will For You in 2020? Eric Geiger suggests the answer is connected to today’s holiday.
2. How Do I ‘Count It All Joy’: I smiled when I saw Joel Smit’s article, which is similar (but deeper) than the reflection I offered this week on the same passage. He shares, “These seemingly cold words of James are actually filled with warm gospel truth and hope as they point the troubled soul to the root from which the true healing balm comes.”
3. Surviving the Holidays: Kerry Patterson shares the story of the Thanksgiving he was a moron and what he’s learned from that lousy holiday where he just had to be right: “Here’s my plan. I’m going to start every discussion by asking what I really want. Does everyone really have to believe what I believe? Do I really have to win each and every point?”
4. Blessed Are the Unoffendable: Abigail Dodds shares a message so contradictory to our flesh and to the culture. She shares the danger of taking offense easily, “Offended people can become unassailable. Recalcitrant. Too hard-hearted to hear an appeal. When we are offended, we believe ourselves to have the moral high ground; therefore, we feel justified in making the one who has offended us a villain.”
5. Don’t Adopt That One: Emma Scrivner with a powerful reflection on adoption.
Who will be joining you at your Thanksgiving table this year? If you are like most people, it will be a much smaller gathering than you are accustomed to. There will be some measure of grief as you pull fewer chairs up to the table and slice into that smaller turkey.
There are lots of reasons to be discouraged in 2020. Businesses closed, some had paychecks replaced with unemployment checks, most have had a friend or family member battle COVID-19, and some have lost loved ones this year. Churches haven’t been able to gather together in person for worship for chunks of the year, and division over masks and politics has threatened the church’s unity.
May I invite James to one of the open seats at your Thanksgiving table? Let me warn you, though, James is the uncle who shoots straight. You might not like what he has to say. But you know he always speaks out of love.
Sitting with icy beverages in hand, complaints start dripping like the oil off the bird in the oven. Your dad grouses about politics, your grandfather expresses concern over financial instability, your sister goes off on anti-maskers, you voice your irritation with your boss, and your mom shares her annoyance about decisions at your church. James listens, sips his cranberry punch, and then quietly interjects, “Count it all joy, my [family], when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” (James 1:2).
Sheesh, Uncle Jimmy, can’t you show a little sympathy to a family struggling through a challenging year?
Recently, Southern Baptist Convention President Paige Patterson was ousted from his post at Southwestern Seminary.[i] The firing began not with a dramatic revelation, but with concern over Patterson’s public statement some 18 years ago when he said that he had never counseled couples to separate or divorce.[ii] The trickle turned into a stream and then a torrent as other statements and counsel surfaced (including discouraging a female student from reporting a sexual assault on his campus). The external pressure from the mounting claims made Patterson’s firing all but inevitable.
I believe the outcome was just. But ten years ago Paige Patterson would have never lost his post. It is only in a day and age where every statement is public and permanent that these moments could be brought to the fore in such a short time period. And it is only in a day and age of democratized communication that the voices of those injured by Patterson and those who were upset with the trustees at Southwestern Seminary would have been heard so quickly and had such an impact.[iii]
Every word is public.
Every word is permanent.
I grew up in a mega-church. From time to time our pastor would reflect on the difficulty of his family living “in a fishbowl” where everything they did was monitored. In 2018 we all live in that fishbowl.
There are obvious dangers of this reality in the world we live. But there are also wonderful opportunities.
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