How Do You Forgive Someone Who Is Gone?

How Do You  Forgive Someone Who Is Gone?

“I want to forgive him, but how do I forgive someone who died years ago?”

“I want to forgive her, but I don’t have any way to contact her.”

 Do you have someone in your life that you want to forgive, but you don’t know how to because they are no longer in your life or perhaps they have passed away? This topic has come up a number of times in counseling others. May I offer some advice?

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Lifetimes in landscapes: Brianna Lambert with a wonderfully evocative piece of writing, “He grew up in the foothills of the forest. Where the horizon disappeared behind the blue ridges. He’d spend his days with his eyes lifted towards the clouds that kissed the forehead of the mountaintops.”

  2. How to get the most out of your counseling sessionsJason Hsieh says, “Just as you would take a doctor’s medical prescriptions seriously. You can do this by regularly reviewing those particular biblical perspectives and following through on any new habits to form that you discuss.”

Why Do I Have To Keep On Forgiving?

Why Do I Have To Keep On Forgiving?

Why do I have to keep forgiving him?

I’ve heard it many times as a pastor. It’s said with weariness and hurt, or bitterness and anger, or confusion and longing. It can mean at least four things.

  • “It hurts too much to keep forgiving him for repeated sins.”

  • “Can’t I just overlook her sin against me?”

  • “He hurt me so deeply that he doesn’t deserve forgiveness.”

  • “Why am I still hurting over an offense when I said I forgave her?”

What does God’s Word have to say about each of these situations?

Creating a Family of Belovedness

Creating a Family of Belovedness

We stepped into the candy shop and could feel it immediately. We were welcome here. And no, it wasn’t just the aroma of chocolate wafting through the air (although that helped!). It was in the kind eyes of the shop owner, in the smile of her employee as she swept the floor. The sign outside said the shop closed five minutes earlier. “Are you sure it’s okay we come in?” I cautiously asked. “Of course!” she said. And I could feel that she meant it.

 The atmosphere in her candy shop stood in stark contrast with the cold and unwelcome atmospheres of several other shops we had visited in this tired New Mexican town. Near the end of our summer vacation, we all felt the unmistakable depression that lingered in this small town.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Five misconceptions about dechurching in America: Jim Davis and Michael Davis share that, “We’re currently living in the largest and fastest religious shift in U.S. history. Some 40 million adult Americans who used to go to church at least once per month now attend less than once per year. This shift is larger than the number of conversions during the First Great Awakening, Second Great Awakening, and the totality of the Billy Graham Crusades combined.”

  2. Immature defenses of ‘mature’ sexual content in moviesCap Stewart begins, “In a pornified culture like ours, it’s no wonder various scenes from mainstream films and television shows demonstrate a “porn aesthetic” (to borrow a phrase from academic Shelton Waldrep). We’re not just talking about raunchy comedies, erotic thrillers, or TV-MA (“mature audience”) HBO shows. Works of otherwise genuine artistry and quality storytelling can be tainted by the inclusion of a sex scene or two.”

Aren't There Contradictions in the Bible?

Aren't There Contradictions in the Bible?

Why should I believe that the Bible is trustworthy? How do I respond to a friend who has questions about the Bible?

Atheists.org begins its post on Biblical Contradictions with this statement: “It is a central dogma of all fundamental Christians that the Bible is without error. They teach this conclusion by “reasoning” that god cannot be the author of false meaning and he cannot lie. Is this true? If written by a perfect being, then it must not contradict itself, as a collection of books written by different men at different times over many centuries would be expected to contradict each other.

How To Flee the Trap of Lust

How To Flee the Trap of Lust

Let’s be honest: the standard Jesus calls us when it comes to lust can feel profoundly unfair. It is God, after all, who created us as physical beings. It is God who created us as sexual beings. It is God who gave us desires. God gave us libido. And God gave us an imagination.

And in all this, God has created us in his image! God is the being with the most powerful desires in the universe! What kind of image-bearers would we be if we did not also have desires?

In recognizing that God created us as desiring beings, we acknowledge that God has called us to direct those desires to himself and his righteousness.  

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Finding contentment in a world of want: Lara d’Entremont is always excellent. She explains, “We miss the mark on this, however, when we seek the virtue of contentment only through positive thinking and gratitude lists. Yes, we should be grateful for all God gives us, but we mustn’t ground our contentment in what fails, fades, or falters. Contentment takes our sights off ourselves and our possessions and focuses on Christ.”

  2. How to pray for a loved one struggling with a mental illness: David Murray concludes this wise article, “For the believer, mental illness can be like a little taste of hell on earth. As such, it can help us to see the horrors of the hell we have been saved from, as well as to long for the health and holiness of heaven, the place where all our diseases and disorders of mind, emotions, and soul will be immediately and fully healed upon entry—a healing our bodies will also fully participate in after the resurrection.”

Could lust send me to hell?

Could lust send me to hell?

Our culture toys with lust. We know the power of sexual desire so well that we use it to sell hamburgers, cars, and beer. I mean, seriously. Step back and consider how crazy that is. We take things that are already attractive and then add sex to them to sell them better! Burgers, sports cars, and beer! We crave these things on their own! And yet advertisers are still compelled to add an ingredient to make them even more desirous: sex. On the flip side, you never see sex requiring anything else to sell it. Your local strip club isn’t trying to lure people in with their mouthwatering hamburgers.

Does Jesus tell us we “can’t get no satisfaction”? Our struggle against lust for something greater

Does Jesus tell us we “can’t get no satisfaction”? Our struggle against lust for something greater

According to one survey, more than 75% worldwide agree that adultery is wrong. The vast majority of us agree: adultery hurts marriages and children.

And yet, simultaneously, our culture encourages us to pursue our desires and fulfill our passions. There are cracks in that approach. The #metoo movement uncovered the devastating impact of some men living out this sexual philosophy.

Jesus pointed to the crack in this moral pavement two thousand years ago. He says that our sexual offense, our sexual sin, doesn’t begin with the action but with the heart: