Marriage

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Too busy for beauty: Paul Twiss asks us to consider how productivity can starve a soul. “We have trained ourselves in efficiency; we must also train our minds in the discipline of beholding in order to contemplate glory. For when the soul beholds beauty, it grows wings.”

  2. Ever Yours, Sin: Hannah Le Cras with a Screwtape-esque letter written from the perspective of sin, “Dear Soul, I am concerned that you have developed such a hostile attitude towards me of late. As you know, I have been with you all your life and always do my utmost to bring you pleasure. Yet you seem to have been persuaded that somehow I am out to destroy you! This grieves me very much.”

  3. Will my marriage ever be more? Ed Welch offers some very practical advice. “One reason we are hopeless in marriage is because there is nothing else we can do, so we resign ourselves and try to build a more independent life. But when we have confidence that the Spirit will use us, we become more resilient, creative, and engaged.”

  4. You cannot out-sin the cross: Jonathan Woodyard comments on Peter’s sermon at Pentecost, “Notice what Peter did not say. He did not say, ‘Well, it’s too late. You’ve messed up too much. You killed the Messiah. There is simply no hope. Your sin is too great.’”

  5. More than you can handle: Seth Lewis suggests that no, God does not “give us more than we can handle.” “If you belong to Jesus, you can rest assured that he will absolutely give you tasks that are far beyond what you can handle. An honest look at his commands will show you that he already has. Don’t worry about that. The size of your lunch, or your ability, or your strength, is never the point. Bring your insufficiency to Jesus, and take the next step into impossible obedience. He will do the providing. He can handle it.”

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Knowing the Future Doesn’t Cure Anxiety: Jen Wilkin’s post is loaded with wisdom, “We reason that if we knew what tomorrow would bring, we would use that information wisely to make good choices. But the story of Peter’s denial warns us otherwise. Jesus tells him explicitly how anxiety will cause him to sin in his immediate future. He does not alter his course. Peter’s knowledge of the future serves not to correct him but to condemn him. Foreknowledge yielded neither repentance nor humility in Peter.”

  2. Three Questions to Make Sense of Anxiety: In a similar vein, Joe Hussung notes that, “Our intuition is to say that anxiety is all about what we fear, but in reality, it is deeper than that. Anxiety is actually about what we love.”

  3. What Jesus Saw When He Looked at Peter After the Rooster Crowed: Erik Raymond with another related post, encourages us, “How do you think Jesus looked at Peter? Was Jesus surprised? Frustrated? Ashamed? If you are a Christian, then your understanding of how Jesus looked at Peter is foundational to your perception of how he looks at you when you sin.”

  4. Gen Z Couples are Shacking Up at Record Rates: Unsurprising report from Bloomberg, that 11% of those aged 18-24 are living with romantic partner. The 3.2 million cohabitating are 650,000 more than the same age group pre-pandemic.

  5. America the Single: Again, unfortunately unsurprising. Erica Pandey explains, “Over the last 50 years, the marriage rate in the U.S. has dropped by nearly 60%.”

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. 11 Statistical Tips for a Healthy Marriage: Aaron Earls considers how much the research supports biblical wisdom for marriage. For instance, “Research finds couples are 31 percent less likely to get divorced if they have some pre-marriage training.”

  2. 5 Myths About Porn: Ray Ortlund debunks five lies. For instance, “Porn has no lasting impact. You can stop at any time. You are in control. The myth says, “You can even budget your porn use. Hold back during those times when you need to be at your best for Christ or for your family or whatever. But then, after you’ve been good for a while, you can jump back in—no problem.” Really? Sin is that easy, and our freedom is that negotiable?”

  3. God’s View of Gender Dysphoria and the Transgender Movement: Eric Geiger begins, “Imagine being a teenager who doesn’t feel at home in your own body. You never felt you met the typical gender stereotypes of guys playing with trucks and rough sports and girls dressing up and play with dolls. You aren’t happy, and you so badly want to be happy. Like all teenagers through all generations, you want a sense of identity, of who you are. You would love to be known for something, to be celebrated. You watch lots of Tik-Tok videos about others who have changed their gender identity, and they recount stories of being celebrated and affirmed for their courage.”

  4. The Great Deception: Kristin begins, “I have been told that my first sentence was this: I do it.”

  5. Consider Suffering Joy? Robby Lashua asks, “What good might God be using suffering for?

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. On the Changing of the Dictionaries: Tim Challies begins, “There is something morbidly fascinating about watching dictionaries slowly but surely change their definitions of common words. It raises some questions, not the least of which strike to the very purpose of a dictionary.”

  2. I Can’t Put Them Down Yet: Brianna Lambert with a sweet reflection on mothering. She concludes, “So I’m going to keep picking up my six-year-old. Together we’ll continue to sing songs to the faithful God who will never put us down.”

  3. Reconstructing Faith: Christianity in a New World: Tim Keller is nuanced as always in this piece on deconstruction, “For many the Christian faith they grew up with or held for many years no longer feels credible to them. They are rethinking the whole thing.”

  4. Deepening Your Friendship in Marriage: Sheryl Jacob with a helpful piece on the ways our focus in marriage can be easily shifted off course, “Many relationships start by knowing each other well enough to agree they can tolerate each other’s quirks and odd mannerisms. But somewhere along the line, the demands of daily life take over.”

  5. Against Autonomy: TM Suffield with strong words for the choice we often make, “We want the benefits of a marriage without the covenant. In essence we’ve swapped the grandest story ever told—the truly breath-takingly epic love story that is patterned in the atoms of the world—and swapped it for a tawdry little tale about a string of destructive and demeaning one-night stands. By replacing Jesus’ position as rightful ruler of the cosmos with ourselves as the rightful ruler of our tiny worlds—and make no mistake, friends, that’s what we’ve done—we’ve removed what made those goods good. We’ve marred what made the beauty we had beautiful. We’ve made the truth into a lie.”

  6. “Well Done,” Says God to Man Who Spent Life Arguing in YouTube Comments Section: Babylon Bee skewers the culture warrior with a wink.

The Drama of Marriage

The Drama of Marriage

In pre-marital counseling, you can almost see couples wince when I bring up Paul’s admonition to wives in Ephesians 5. Paul’s instructions to married couples begin with those fated words, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Denominations have divided over that verse and been misunderstood by many more.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. An Encouragement to Young Husbands: AW Workman shares the importance of growing in gentleness as a husband, “In this season I began to visualize a beautiful, though small, flowering plant. The wrong kind of focused messing with the plant would eventually kill it. Instead, it needed stability, dependable sunlight, regular watering, and it would blossom. My nit-picking and projecting on the future were preventing the kind of relational safety that would actually lead to growth. The gospel logic of “accepted, therefore free to grow” was beginning to work its way into how I sought to shepherd my wife.”

  2. Any Unchecked Sin is Ruinous: Justin Huffman warns, “We, every one of us, have the potential to destroy our marriage, or to be consumed with bitterness, or to be blinded by self-righteousness, or succumb to peer pressure, or to give in to hopeless depression, or to give way to sexual temptation.”

  3. Does Sexual Self-Gratification Glorify God? Trent Rogers and John Tarwater consider the difficult subject of masturbation: “Christians experience constant pressure from prevailing cultural narratives that argue all sexual expression, so long as it doesn’t harm another, is inherently good and that sexual expression is the foundation of one’s personhood.”

  4. Hedgerows and Big Yellow Trucks: Andrea Seaborn with a wonderful reflection on why God obscures our view.

  5. Stooping to Filthy Feet: John Orchard brings fresh perspective to a well-known passage, “God has become a real human being and he hasn’t just served humanity in general, but actual blokes with body-hair and odour, annoying habits and treacherous hearts. No, Jesus does this not in spite of his divinity but because of it.”

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Can Christians Date Nonbelievers? Marshall Seagal handles this question wisely, “Who you marry will likely shape who you become more than any other human relationship. If your husband runs from Jesus, you won’t be able to avoid the undertow of his lovelessness. If your wife runs from Jesus, you will live in the crossfire of her unrepentant sin. You may survive an unbelieving spouse, but only as through fire. Marriage under God would become a long and devastating war.”

  2. Sexual Liberation Has Failed Women: Andrew Wilson reviews Louise Perry’s intriguing new book, “Louise Perry has written a feminist critique of the sexual revolution, and it’s brave, excoriating, and magnificent. The Case Against the Sexual Revolution isn’t a Christian book. Perry’s critique is rooted in evolutionary biology, feminist passion, and empirical observation, not biblical interpretation or theology.”

  3. Big Boys do Cry, After All: Tim Shorey shares his heartache as he navigates the ravages of cancer, “Gayline and I have not known a single day of adult life without each other. But now, unless God spares me, she’ll likely know a couple decades of adult life without me; with me as but a memory. I won’t be there with her and for her. I won’t be holding her hand, kissing her goodnight, and saying, as I always do when she turns over to sleep—'Good night. I love you! I can’t wait to see you in the morning!’”

  4. God Wants You to be a Burden: This is a good reminder by Christine Gordon and Hope Blanton, “Burden bearing is a two-way street. The friend you hesitate to text with your bad news has the same call on her life that you do. Will you allow her the opportunity to obey or deny her the chance because you’ve decided she’s too busy?”

  5. The Most Repeated Verse in the Bible: Sam Allberry helps us square God’s wrath and love. He explains, “But while both God’s love and wrath are undeniable and necessary features of his dealings with us, they are not symmetrical. They do not spring from the same central part of God’s being with equal force. The two are not parallel components of God’s work.”

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Will My Spouse be My Best Friend in Heaven? John Piper responds to a new widow who asks a heartfelt question, “Can’t I at least be guaranteed that my husband will still be my best friend in heaven? Will he even be excited to see me when I get there? In marriage, two become one. Am I just half a person left behind? I know when I get to heaven and enter God’s presence, none of these questions will matter. But they matter now. And I struggle to find wisdom and comfort as to how I must approach my remaining years on earth.”

  2. The Age of Ingratitude: Carl Trueman warns us, “We live in an age marked by infantile ingratitude. And if Scruton is right, that means we live in an age when we do not really know how to live at all. Ingratitude has dehumanized us.”

  3. A Word About the Spark in Marriage: Lauren Washer with a short post encouraging us to consider what really keeps love alive in marriage, “Think about what draws us to a fire. Dancing flames. Unpredictable patterns and colors. We can’t turn our eyes away from a fire’s beauty and its glory mesmerizes us. But the embers—the non-flashy red hot coals at the base of the fire—these hold the most heat. The glowing bits of heat tucked away beneath the wood aren’t noticeable until the flames die down. Embers are constant, though.”

  4. How Did the Pandemic Affect Church Swapping and Switching? Aaron Earls reports on big jumps of church swapping and switching during Covid. He also reports that, “At the beginning of the pandemic in 2020, 58% of all Americans and 39% of U.S. evangelicals by belief said worshipping alone or with one’s family is a valid replacement for regularly attending church. In 2022, that jumped to 66% of Americans and 54% of evangelicals by belief.”

  5. What Does My Dog Think I Do All Day? Chris’s post offers a simple but illuminating metaphor. He begins, “My dog lives to play. She likes tug of war and fetch—though she has yet to realize if she gives you the ball back, you can throw it again. Her very favorite thing is her frisbee.”

How to Get Married

How to Get Married

The Knot recently did a study and found that over the past seven years, weddings in churches have dropped from 41% to 26%.[i] Wow. Only a quarter of weddings now take place in a church.

This fact itself isn’t catastrophic. I don’t believe that one has to get married in the church for it to be a “real” wedding. But it does speak to a secularizing trend that has been pretty apparent. More disconcerting for me is the fact that 43% of weddings are now officiated by a friend, up from 29% seven years ago.[ii] The Bible doesn’t say you need a pastor to officiate your wedding, but choosing a (non-pastor) friend to officiate your wedding makes a statement.

You’re saying that your wedding is about celebrating your relationship with friends. That’s a wonderful part of what a wedding should be, but it shouldn’t be what your wedding is primarily about.

If you are considering marriage at some point in the future, let me urge you to consider making your marriage about something bigger and then doing some practical things to make sure your wedding points to that bigger truth.

Living on a Single Income with No Mortgage

Living on a Single Income with No Mortgage

I respect my sister and brother-in-law for many reasons. One of those reasons is their wise financial stewardship. With eight kids (you can read the story of why they have eight kids here), they are able to live on a single income, and they managed to pay off the mortgage on their previous house several years ago. That financial flexibility allowed them to purchase a home with my parents two years ago so they could help my dad whose mobility suffered after a series of strokes. There are many who would like to be mortgage-free. Below is the story of how by sister and brother-in-law learned to faithfully care for the finances God has blessed them with. In my interview, I hope you hear how often Sarah and Anders come back to a desire to be generous.