With our daughter’s recent graduation, I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting and was reminded of this post that I wrote several years ago. I hope it’s helpful to you.
Valentijn was hand-in-hand with the Department of Childhood Services worker. Chubby Romeo snuggled in the crook of her arm. The aid had just driven the boys from the shelter, where they had spent three weeks. Cute roly-poly Romeo was ten months old at the time and well adjusted. It was two-year old Valentijn who had been impacted the most significantly. This was the third time Valentijn had been removed from his home. He was affectionate but fragile and without boundaries.
As the Department of Childcare Services Specialist filled out the transfer paperwork to make our foster care official, Valentijn sat on my lap and pulled out the decorative pine cones from the bowl on the table and chucked them to the ground, one by one.
Not knowing what it looked like to love and discipline him well, I sat there, frozen, and let him disassemble my wife’s handiwork. From that first moment, I knew parenting these two would prove to be a much different task than raising our two biological children.
Our first nights with the boys were a disaster. Accustomed to the environment of the shelter, Valentijn wanted the lights on and woke up often through the night. Learning how to put Valentijn to bed over the next months provided a crash course in how to care well. Learning how to care for this traumatized boy was a steep curve.